Pain and lost....

I know I haven't written in so long. But I have my reasons. I've been too hurt to even think about what to say and I believe that now is the time I need to let it out...

May 15, 2009. A small black truck rolled off the road. texting, talking on the phone, or speed was not a factor. Seat belts were worn. A small blonde girl named Lauren Abigail Douglass Olson had died at the scene of this accident. This was my most dearest and true best friend. To me it seemed so unreal when I got the phone call from my other friend Kristy. She didn't even believe it to be real either. And none of our friends had Mom and Poppy's number to know if it was true. I did and called.... Truth hurts. Skyler was coming over and I called him frantically to see if he could take me to Kristy's so that we could go to Lauren's house. He said he would in less then a heart beat. As a sat on my bed crying, waiting for him to arrive I felt a warm hand on my arm. As I looked up it was Skyler and I quickly went to his shoulder. We gathered my purse and phone and headed to Kristy's. Lexi was there. We all sat on Kris's bed and cried. 5 minutes later we left.

It felt so different. Empty and not at all the same. Her pictures on the table. Poppy greeting us at the door. The moment I saw mom I couldn't stop crying. She grabbed me and hugged me and tried to whisper CassieBear to me. Hearing that name made it hard to breath. A weight on my chest that still has not gone away. No one had been in her room. I needed to go. So I did. It was left messy (as Lauren had always had it) but it was her definition of clean. Perfect to me, she was perfect...

Her funeral was on May 21st, 2009. Thousands showed up. And all knew this small little girl who had impacted all their lives in such a great way. "She was our bright light". Breathing has been hard. Believing this has been impossible. For such a small girl, she is so big and amazing! Lauren Abigail Douglass Olson was pretty much my sister. She was my other half and my full completion. Loosing her is like I lost myself. And I will always love her and care about her. She will be my Maid of Honor. And Always be my best friend..

R.I.P. Lauren Abigail Douglass Olson
Aug. 3rd, '92 - May 15th, '09

PROM.........

"Under The City Lights..."

4 Days & counting...

Yep. It's almost that time! Ha! Kinda scary for me to think about it. I'm almost done with high school. About to go on to college. It scares me to think about it but at the same time is very exciting. I found out that my brother, Joe, got into BYU Idaho. He found out on his birthday back in January but no one at my mom's house tells me anything anymore. So I just barely found out. And not from anyone over there, but from my step mom. So I have been a little upset about that.

Yesterday I got to see Skyler. He told me he was going to come see me but surprised me at the time he was going to come see me :) He told me he had to wait until his mom got home but showed up five minutes after he said that :) I t was very nice to spend the evening with him. It was relaxing for me to talk to him in person and not over text or phone.

Stress has become a very big problem lately. It is kinda, no its really bothering to me. I handle stress not like others. If I don't have a way to release it out I just continue to bottle it up until I can't handle it anymore and then I don't know what to do. It is horrible. But it isn't something that controls me or makes me something different. If that makes sense I guess. Ha! I feel so out of it though. I am just getting so bored and I don't have anything to do. I wish I could go on a road trip but I have no way to go anywhere. So I'm pretty much just stuck here to do nothing. I would love to spend a day at the beach :) That would be great!!! Very calming and relaxing! Especially if it was more then a day :) Maybe I'll be able to soon :)

Eleven Days!!

Say hello to April 22!!! Just 11 days until I am 17!! I am so excited!! :) I have no clue what is going on or what I'm doing but I am excited!!

Well my brother Joe and sister Amanda came over today. Of course they're still here :) But I made it sound like they aren't. Oh jeez! Haha. Well Tomorrow is Easter and I'm not sure what to do. I want to go see Hannah and Derek but I got in a huge fight with my mom. I want Hannah to come stay the night at my house but my mom wont let her because my dad also lives here.......They aren't on good terms. But during the fight we got into how I left and stuff and it just stressed me out and made me so mad!!! I really don't want to go be around her, but I miss Hannah and Derek so much!! It is just crazy dumb stuff and drama like this I don't like. Speaking of Drama, did you know that herbal essence has a shampoo called drama clean :) haha. Random but funny. When my dad and step mom saw it at t he store they bought it for me and said it reminded them of me... how sweet!! haha. Just thought I should add that in.


I know this writing isn't much but I'm gonna talk to my sister. Since we rarely talk her weekends here are our times to talk without my mom trying to listen in. Well if I don't blog on tomorrow.......

Happy Easter!!!!

Just For Lil Miss Lila!

Well As Lila left a comment on my past blog, she asked for pictures of me and my puppy :) so here you go missy!! :)

(Kenai! :] My puppy)

(New Hair.....)

Well there are some pictures for you Lila :) Hope you like them....... Okay so last night I spent the night at Megan's and I relized just now I need a picture of her on here.... So here we go.

(There's my BFFFL!!!)

Haha. Well in that picture we were doing this moc diaster thing for school and we acted like we were hurt and training firefighters had to get us out of a fake building. It was really cool but very cold! We both had our faces "cut up" and our legs. I had two cuts on my face and a huge one on my leg. Megan had one on her face, hand, and leg. It was very fun though!!!!! :) Definately would do it again!!! :) But I am absolutely starving!!! So I am going to go get myself some food! :)

I'm Back!!!

Hey there everyone!!! It has been so long since I've been on this! :( Of course that is sad too! SO my email was hacked and someone got my information for on here.... no worries, i changed it :) But my past posts have been deleted :( That I am not a happy camper about.. But I guess I should just start new :)

It has been so long I don't remember what I said last!! Well lets see..... I go to a new school. Prairie High School. If you know where that's at I am completely shocked!!! Lets just say hello hickdale!! Seriously! It is past Vancouver and almost in Brush Prairie.... Don't know where that is?? Well it's pretty much all farms! Ye, you guessed it. HELLO COWS!!!! MY school "hallways" are outside. So I get to have that wonderful cow smell every morning! That sure wakes me up :) But I do like the change of about 4,000 students to not even 1,500. That is a nice refreshing change. Anyways, at my school there is Megan. She is my B.F.F.F.L!! :) She has a personality of a twin for me :) It's great!! Then there's Nickolas Waugh!! :) He's my neighbor and a true sweetheart. You can count on him for anything. I call him my big protective teddy bear :) He may look scary but he wouldn't hurt a fly :) The funny thing is he's a stoner. Not good but I love that guy :) We hang out a lot. He would be my B.G.F.F.F.L!!! :) Figure those out :) Next is Gabe. He's Megan's boyfriend. He's tall. If you have ever seen Fresh Prince of Beliar well he's your Will Smith! Haha.


American Idol is on in three minutes so I'm gonna go watch it!! :) oh and guess who's 17 in 14 days......

ME!!!